Allen McNish In: Audi Extermination II

It is official, Audi has announced it's driver lineup for the Petit Le Mans. In car #1 Capello/McNish/Pirro and in Car #2 Luhr/Werner. Capello and McNish sucessfully won the 24 Hours Of Le Mans this year, and hope to dominate without mercy in two weeks.

I had hoped that Allen would be competing this year. He is a two time ALMS champion, and recently was moved out of ALMS to the European Le Mans Series (a new series modeled after ALMS).

Alright, now that you have finished typing that nasty email to me about how ignorant the previous statement was, let us continue looking at why Allen McNish is so unbelievably cool.

- He always keeps a fresh supply of Haggis in the R10 glove compartment.

- He drove for Toyota's debut F1 team in 2002 along with Mika Salo. In a move that could potentially earn them a position on "The Wall Of Hate", they dumped both drivers that year. Now that organization knows how to identify talent. Idiots.

- My sources have confirmed that his real name is in fact "Connor MacLeod".

- Last year at Road America I met the man and tearfully begged him for an autograph. (It was during an autograph session so the weeping was probably unnecessary). As I was drying my eyes he spoke to me. I don't remember what he said, but afterward I immediately knew how to drive stick shift. I can also now cite the optimal breaking points for every turn of every track he has driven..

- A driver-less R10 will actually find him when he whistles. I swear I witnessed this with my own eyes.

- In 2007 he replaced Sir Jackie Stewart as the president of the Scottish Motor Racing Club. Thereafter they dominated and destroyed all other racing clubs within 2300 miles. He also had David Coulthard disemboweled. (What? Don't get mad at me DC fans.. don't shoot the messenger..)

- Scotland is actually building a road specifically for him. They plan to make weekly changes to keep him interested.

- Legend has it that to keep things fair, he once ran an entire 12 hour race in reverse while blindfolded. He finished the race in 10 hours, jumped into a rival team's car, and placed second. This is the first and only time a driver has been required to place one foot on both the 1st and 2nd podium platforms.

- He has been credited with coining the phrase "Are they still back there?".